Eyes on Final Fantasy Forums > General > Writer's Corner > Diagnosis Butchery?

[Martyr]

Since nobody dares to answer my thread on what makes a poem, I want somebody to try and critique this.

Other than it's a rhyme-fest, of course, which makes it sound too silly for me, what can be done to make it better? Or, if it's hopeless crap, why?

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Where The Sky Meets The Mud

My V8 resting far too long,
I preyed upon the speeders.
An SS Chevelle came along,
And I flipped on my sirens.

A hazy fog befell the road;
The roadside ditch grew dim;
My suspect friend shot forward,
And I grinned, “The race is on.”

The curves were rather nasty
In this thirty mile zone.
Driving half past eighty,
In my sweat, me fear did show.

Blinded and confounded,
I knew I had met my match.
But then, I was astounded
As he crashed into the grass.

I turned to pull over,
But the trench came on too quick!
Skidding, rolling, like a Range Rover,
Then I splashed into the drink!

I crawled out from the mud pit,
All weak and tired and filthy.
My gorgeous motor had bit it,
And my competition had left me.

[-N-]

Wait, where's the other thread? :\

[Martyr]

Somebody finally answered it. Which was cool. I'm happy. If you have another answer for me, you can probably the thread around here somewhere. It was made on the same day as this poem/whatever it is.