[P] "Sample of Perfection"

Yami_Yuffie · 03-30-2006, 10:02 AM

life isn't the only thing that is "too short":

i only held it for one universal minute.
like water slips through my hand...
but i never let it slip.
water never stays long in my hands...
neither does this futile reward.

nik0tine · 03-30-2006, 04:15 PM

This is ten times better than most of the other crap you'll find around here. However, there are a few things I don't like about this. You use certain words over and over again and it gets redundant. (ie, water, hand, slip) Also, you have no capital letters where they are supposed to be. Unless there is something poetic you are trying to get across through not using capitals I suggest you use propper grammar.

Overall this has potential, I think, unlike everything else in this forum. Good job.

Yami_Yuffie · 03-31-2006, 04:06 AM

Originally Posted by nik0tine

Also, you have no capital letters where they are supposed to be.

i only capitalize them for words of expression or feelings. it's just my style and i'm not really trying to impress an English teacher if there is one happening to be lurking around

. thanks btw

.

Dignified Pauper · 03-31-2006, 11:30 AM

Meh, if you have a good craft, why not hone it. I agree with nik. this is much better than most of the angst and abstract poems posted here.

tidusguy#1 · 03-31-2006, 07:54 PM

i agree!! i love it, and theyre right, it is better than some of the crap youll find here!!

*__*) · 04-03-2006, 05:58 AM

Your poetry suits me so well. I'll be looking for more from you...

tidusguy#1 · 04-04-2006, 06:43 PM

yeah, i love this, keep up the good work!!

Yami_Yuffie umbra Location: in the shadows...	#1 [P] "Sample of Perfection" life isn't the only thing that is "too short": i only held it for one universal minute. like water slips through my hand... but i never let it slip. water never stays long in my hands... neither does this futile reward.
03-30-2006, 10:02 AM

Yami_Yuffie umbra Location: in the shadows...	#3 (permalink) Originally Posted by nik0tine Also, you have no capital letters where they are supposed to be. i only capitalize them for words of expression or feelings. it's just my style and i'm not really trying to impress an English teacher if there is one happening to be lurking around . thanks btw .
03-31-2006, 04:06 AM

Dignified Pauper Score: 0 out of 2 Location: Ed's Technicolor Nightmare	#4 (permalink) Meh, if you have a good craft, why not hone it. I agree with nik. this is much better than most of the angst and abstract poems posted here.
03-31-2006, 11:30 AM

tidusguy#1 Location: aiming a gun at your head	#5 (permalink) i agree!! i love it, and theyre right, it is better than some of the crap youll find here!!
03-31-2006, 07:54 PM

__)	#6 (permalink) Your poetry suits me so well. I'll be looking for more from you...
04-03-2006, 05:58 AM

tidusguy#1 Location: aiming a gun at your head	#7 (permalink) yeah, i love this, keep up the good work!!
04-04-2006, 06:43 PM