[P]Fruit

nik0tine · 03-27-2006, 04:23 PM

Yellow curls
fades to red
blends with purple.
Sunsets dangle
from the trees
when fists and words flail.

bipper · 03-27-2006, 04:45 PM

I am not much of a poetry expert, but I do like this. It gives me an acid trippy imagry. Maybe its the medication. Good show!

nik0tine · 03-27-2006, 05:04 PM

Thank you bipper. I wasn't really going for it, but "Trippy" is always a good thing.

bipper · 03-27-2006, 06:06 PM

Well, trippy did not do it justice. It was more of a plethora of overbearing feelings that lead you to a vertigo, then let you spin down to ground level again. The imagry provided with your last verbs really describe an almost contradictory meaning to the originoal super nova of color and scenery, creating a backlash as I read it again, differently. The second read through then offered a different experience!

I really don't know what I am talking about, but I mean what I am saying!

I really need to get me a refil of these meds

Necronopticous · 03-27-2006, 07:19 PM

I liked this, it holds a harrowing tone and message I think. Personally, I found it pornographic which is always a good thing.

Xaven · 03-28-2006, 06:08 AM

I don't get it.

I'm poetically retarded, so go figure.

Shotgunnova · 03-28-2006, 07:52 AM

Naming colors is an easy way to make imagery evocative, which is why I think the second half is better than the first. Basically limerick-length, though...it could be better, I guess. Still kinda like it, though. I read "flail" as "fail" when I first looked at it, and thought that stuck right out.

nik0tine · 03-28-2006, 07:54 AM

The colors were meant to have a dual imagery kind of thing going on.

I think you are right about the word flail, though. There is probably a better word for that.

nik0tine All about looking. Location: Dalmasca!	#1 [P]Fruit Yellow curls fades to red blends with purple. Sunsets dangle from the trees when fists and words flail.
03-27-2006, 04:23 PM

bipper Why so serious? Location: Eden Prairie, MN	#2 (permalink) I am not much of a poetry expert, but I do like this. It gives me an acid trippy imagry. Maybe its the medication. Good show!
03-27-2006, 04:45 PM

nik0tine All about looking. Location: Dalmasca!	#3 (permalink) Thank you bipper. I wasn't really going for it, but "Trippy" is always a good thing.
03-27-2006, 05:04 PM

Necronopticous Former Staff Normal Reco Location: New Astro City	#5 (permalink) I liked this, it holds a harrowing tone and message I think. Personally, I found it pornographic which is always a good thing.
03-27-2006, 07:19 PM

Xaven Missing. Location: Alt + F4	#6 (permalink) I don't get it. I'm poetically retarded, so go figure.
03-28-2006, 06:08 AM

Shotgunnova Slanted and Enchanted Location: The Frontier	#7 (permalink) Naming colors is an easy way to make imagery evocative, which is why I think the second half is better than the first. Basically limerick-length, though...it could be better, I guess. Still kinda like it, though. I read "flail" as "fail" when I first looked at it, and thought that stuck right out.
03-28-2006, 07:52 AM

nik0tine All about looking. Location: Dalmasca!	#8 (permalink) The colors were meant to have a dual imagery kind of thing going on. I think you are right about the word flail, though. There is probably a better word for that.
03-28-2006, 07:54 AM