Eyes on Final Fantasy Forums > General > Writer's Corner > (p) old pomme

[themagicroundabout]

old pomme by ~beaulivres on deviantART

yah, just an old file i found while trying to find something (i never give things sensible names when i save them... so), then thought i'd post it. not so sure about the final sentence, but eh.

[Moon Rabbits]

smurf, some of the lines in that poetry are wicked good; inspiring. Particular I'm a fan of the part about hate being "another direction of zeal," the part about death ... and "crooked of ugly" is masterful imho.

Though, yes, I think the very end could be reworked to have a bit more of an impact. I don't think you needs a separate line for emphasis (assuming that's what you put it on its own line), cuz the whole poem kind of builds up to it.

edit: Actually, if you ended it with the stanza about ugliness I think it might be better. Or moved the last stanza above the ugliness part.

Incidentally you remind me of a non-infuriating version of ee cummings.

[Rye]

Yeah, I totally feel the ee cummings vibe, though ee cummings is one of the only poets I do actually really love!

[themagicroundabout]

ta, thanks for reading. thanks mrabbits! took your suggestions & i prefer it this way I think, yaais.