Eyes on Final Fantasy Forums > General > Writer's Corner > [F] Rantzien's Adventures - an EoFF fanfiction.

[Quin]

I don't like Rantzien or theundeadhero anymore.

[Guardian XIII]

I never even got to meet this Shauna lady.

[Psychotic]

Most definitely a part of Forever canon.

[Rantzien]

xD This is great.

[Melissaur]

More!!!

[scrumpleberry]

NOT A DRAGON! It's a fat dragon it won't be able to chase them don't worry boys.

[Christmas]

That dragon's tummy remind me of yours PAUL!.

[Psychotic]

"You! Overweight Dragon-fiend! You will be the one to fall!" roared Rantzien at the dragon, which was rapidly approaching the duo. The dragon roared right back, and sent a jet of flames at them as a warning.

"Once more unto the breach, dear friend" said theundeadhero, taking a deep breath, and the two charged right at the portly green serpent. This, of course, is not the best strategy to employ when fighting a dragon - the optimum one, of course, being an extended carpet-bombing campaign - and perhaps our two heroes realised this when the dragon errupted and sent forth another wall of fire.

As the two hurled themselves out of the way, the dragon was spewing out more and more fire all around the cave. This wasn't really helping the cave's interior design, which, considering that it had a "Rocks 'n' Skulls" theme which had gone out of fashion several centuries earlier, wasn't exactly Casa du ShlupQuack to begin with. The fire was actually so hot that it was melting the floor, causing great rifts that billowed steam.

"I hate to be a Negative Nancy, old chap, but I fear our strategy isn't working!" said theundeadhero, glibly, as he dodged another one of the dragon's ominous belches. Rantzien was inclined to agree with theundeadhero.

"I'll distract it while you attempt to bring it down!" he replied to his friend. "Hey! Hey you! Got off the sofa lately, chubby?" he called up to the monster as it turned and glared at him. "Oh hey don't worry, your mother is a huge truck of flab too, so it's probably just genetic. You can't help it!" The dragon, unsurprisingly, wasn't entirely appreciative of Rantzien's remarks about its mother, and let out a howl of rage, and headed directly for Rantzien. "Oh, don't be upset about it. I'm sure you'll just eat the pain away."

theundeadhero was watching this scene with whimsical amusement. Rantzien's remarks were most unsporting, and yet were also rather amusing. However, he knew he had to sneak around to the back of the dragon and take it out. But what to kill it with? He didn't have any weapons? Or did he? He cast a furtive glance around the cave.

Rantzien knew he could not keep up such quality A-Grade insults for much longer. "Your face is like a pudgy bowl of slush!" he cried, as he nimbly leapt away from another assault from the dragon. Then theundeadhero drove up in his M1A2 Abrams Main Battle Tank and shot the dragon and it was dead.

"Hurray! Now let's rescue the princess" squealed Rantzien with excitement. "Hey baby, I'm Rantzien. I like slow walks on the beach, golfing umbrellas, and the colour taupe".

"Hello Rantzien. I am Princess Melissaur" said Princess Melissaur, who was a Princess named Melissaur.

"Pleased to make your acquaintance, miss. I am theundeadhero" said theundeadhero, who was an undead hero named theundeadhero.

"Roaaaaar!" said the dragon, who wasn't actually dead.

"Look out!" yelled theundeadhero, and he hurled himself at the beast right as it was about to bring its jaws down upon Rantzien and Melissaur. "Never forget your adventure!" he called, as he and that awful, accursed dragon fell into a chasm caused by the dragon's fire, and were gone forever.