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#1  [F] FFX True FFX True is, as it's name suggests, the true story of what really happened in FFX. However, the idea for this was not my own. My sister (who goes by the name Lenne on forums and is named as such in the story) started the series by writing FFVII True. She later went on to write FFVIII True and FFIX True. She wouldn't write FFX True though, but after weeks of begging she finally gave me permission to do it. To date it's the only thing I've ever written, but it's still good. Or at least I think it is. I apologise in advance for the slight adult theme. If you're easily offended then just don't read it  From the brother of the author who brought you FFVII True, FFVIII True and FFIX True comes *drumroll* FFX True! Ok admit it, you knew this was coming right? You just didn't expect it to come from me. Well tough luck. It's not my fault that my sister didn't want to write it. It won't be as funny as it would be if she wrote it, but you'll just have to deal with it. Let's get started! Once upon a time there was a city. A big city. A big huge city. A great big...you get the idea. In this city lived a man. A man who looked like he couldn't decide what to wear so he jumped into a laundry basket and wore whatever stuck. Man: Hey! I'll have you know that I ranked 86th in the list of 100 best dressed people in Zanarkand! ...Whatever. Anyway, the man was named Tidus. Tidus: That's Tie-dus! Got it? Not Tee-dus, Tie-dus. You ARE aware that your voice actor pronounces it Tee-dus right? Tidus: I don't care! It's my name so I'll pronounce it however I want! Am I bovvard? Does this face look bovvard to you? Audience: WTF? Never mind. Now, where were we? Ah yes, Tidus was jacking off to gay porn. Tidus: W-what? No I wasn't! *blushes* Dude, i saw you. Admit it now or everyone will do to you what the cast of FFVII True did to Cloud. Tidus: But I'm not gay!!! >.< Have it your way gaylord. Anyway, Tidus left his house to find a group of fangirls standing outside. Fangirl #1: I LOVE YOU! Fangirl #2: I WANT YOUR BABIES! Fanboy: PLEASE MAKE LOVE TO ME! Audience: That never happened! Maybe not in the game. This is what really happened. Anyway, Tidus was a star in Zanarkand because he was a porn star. I mean blitzball player. Apparently he was the best player in the entire city, but seeing as there were only two teams of six players, that's not exactly an accomplishment. I mean, he ranked first out of 12 people, and the other 11 were probably stoners. Tidus: Hey I'm a stoner too! Fascinating. Can we get on with the story now? Random chick: But you're the one telling the story! And I would like to get on with it if I may. Random chick: But you're making me say this! *gets shot* Anyone else wanna start? Audience: *Cowering in fear* Didn't think so. Anyway, Tidus finished having sex with the fanboy and made his way to the blitzball stadium, where he found another huge group of fangirls waiting for him. Tidus: What, no guys this time? I knew you were gay. Tidus: I'm not! *starts crying* Why are you being so mean to me? Because I like cheese. Tidus: That doesn't even make sense! Nor does the giant pink elephant. Anyway, Tidus pushed past the fangirls and finally made his way into the stadium. Unfortunately for him, he was so late the game was already over. Tidus: No I missed the game! It's all your fault narrator. I hate you! *gets shot by me* Audience: *GASP* You killed the hero! So what? I can do this story without him. Audience: No you can't! Yes I can! I'll just replace him with a monkey. Won't make any difference whatsoever. Lenne: Dude, bring him back or I'll write the damn story myself. T_T Fine. *uses a phoenix down on Tidus* Happy now? Lenne: Very. ^_^ *skips away* Tidus: Duuuuuuuuuuuude...I got stoned with Jesus... ...Right. Anyway, just as Tidus was getting used to not being dead, Sin started to attack. Tidus: Dude! A giant pink elephant is attacking Zanarkand! You're still stoned aren't you? It's grey not pink. Auron: If I were you I'd be more concerned that it's destroying the city. Tidus: Dad! I didn't see you there. Auron: For the last time I'm not your goddamn father! Your father went to the store to buy cigarettes ten years ago and never came back. Tidus: Oh yeah! Who are you then? Auron: His boyfriend. Duh! Uh, guys? Big grey thing destroying the city? Auron: Oh yeah I forgot. Tidus, take this. It belonged to your father. *hands Tidus a dildo* Tidus: Sweet! Auron: You'll probably need this too. *Hands Tidus a sword* Tidus: Awesome! *tries to pick up the sword and falls over* Auron: Goddamn n00b. *brandishes his own sword* Tidus: Hey! Why is his sword so much bigger than mine? *pouts* Stop complaining. You can't even lift your own sword, though i guess that's to be expected seeing as you're gay. Tidus: For the last time I'm not gay! Auron: Yes you are. How could you forget that night we spent on the beach? You were even better than your father. Owned. Tidus: ...Let's just get on with this. *somehow manages to pick his sword up and slashes a sinscale with it* Sinscale: *damage taken: 1* You suck n00b! Auron: *Sigh* Why do I have to work with this weakling? Because the pink squirrels stole my cheese. T_T Tidus: Hey you're stoned too! So what? That doesn't make me a bad person. Auron: I grow tired of this. *kills all the sinscales* Tidus: I could've done that... Auron: *Picks Tidus up and throws him at Sin* Tidus: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! *Is absorbed by Sin* I want my mooooooooooooooooooooomyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy yyyyyyyyy! Auron: *Smirks* Baby. *Is also absorbed by Sin* Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn! ~To be continued~ I've written the second part but that's all you're getting for now *goes off to write part 3* |
02-02-2008, 08:14 PM
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| | I completely forgot that I posted this. I guess it's about time I posted chapter two. I still haven't written chapter three though. Damn writer's block ;_; ~Continuing...NOW~ When we left our 'hero' he was being swallowed up by a giant elephant by the name of Sin, who was destroying the city of Zanarkand. Sin: Look at me mom! I'm destroying a city! ^_^ Sin's Mother: Oh big deal. Kefka destroyed an entire world. Can you do that? I don't think so! Sin: *Cries* I'll show you! I'll destroy every city in the entire world!!! Annoying n00b: First off, Sin can't talk, and second, it doesn't have a mother. You're making a mockery of the name Final Fantasy 10! So what? You gotta problem with that? *readies shotgun* Annoying n00b: Too bloody right i have! *Readies rocket launcher* *Hides under a table* Lenne: T_T *Shoots Annoying n00b in the back of the head with a sniper rifle from a hidden place* Thanks sis! Lenne: *Does peace sign and goes back into hiding* Right, so where were we? Some guy in audience: Tidus was swallowed by Sin and transported to Spira. Right, but that's not what really happened. He actually ended up in...WONDERLAND! White Rabbit: OMFG I'M LATE! Tidus: *Waking up* A talking rabbit? I must still be stoned! White Rabbit: OMFG I'M LATE! Tidus: Yeah you already said that... White Rabbit: OMFG I'M LATE! Tidus: Uh... White Rabbit: OMFG I'M LATE! Tidus: If you're late then why are you just standing there? White Rabbit: Because the doorknob broke... T_T Broken Doorknob: Well maybe if you hadn't been humping me... White Rabbit: I'm a rabbit! I hump everything! *Humps Tidus' leg* Tidus: GTFO! *Kicks White Rabbit against the wall repeatedly and bashes his brains out* Queen of Hearts: *Suddenly appears in the room* Who killed the White Rabbit? Broken Doorknob: It was him! I saw him do it! TIdus: Uh, i can explain... Queen of Hearts: No need. That little sh*t was humping everything. You've done us all a great favour. Tidus: So i'm getting away with murder? Sweet! Btw, you're cute *winks at the queen* Queen of Hearts: YOU DARE TO TRY AND STEAL MY HEART!? OFF WITH HIS HEAD! Tidus: ...sh*t Queen of Hearts: Maybe i'm being a little hasty. You deserve a fair trial. Tidus: Phew. So Tidus was led out to a courtroom and locked in a cage while a bunch of oversized playing cards holding swords deliberated with the queen over his sentence. Tidus: This is fair? Queen: Silence! Now, how do you plead? Tidus: Guilty! I mean innocent. damn... Queen: By your own admission you are gulity of trying to steal my heart. But i shall be merciful since you killed that annoying rabbit. I hereby sentence you to a life without drugs! Tidus: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! And then, an army of pink squirrels appeared. Queen: Not the  ing squirrels again! Guards! DESTROY THEM!And so, the pink squirrel army started fighting with a bunch of oversized playing cards holding swords. During the commotion Tidus' cage was destroyed and he saw his chance to escape. On the way, he passed the queen's chambers and stole her drugs stash. Tidus: This will keep me stoned for a month! Sephiroth: Drugs are bad m'kay. Tidus: S-Sephiroth! Where did you come from? Sephiroth: I am the commander of the pink squirrel army! You will bow down to our superior greatness! Tidus: Am i the only sane person in this story? Sephiroth: No, The narrator is sane too. *Is twitching and foaming at the mouth* They're after me lucky charms... Tidus: O_O Sephiroth: O_O THEY'LL NEVER GET ME LUCKY CHARMS!!! Sephiroth: I stand corrected... Lenne: Don't worry about him. He just forgot to take his brain medicine this morning. Pretty bunny... *Is holding the dead rabbit* Tidus: That's disgusting... Lenne: So is that penis rash you have. Tidus: HOW DID YOU KNOW!? Lenne: Meekawakkabob. Tidus: That doesn't make any sense! Lenne: Neither does your face. Sephiroth: That was just lame. Lenne: I'M HAVING AN OFF DAY OK! STOP PICKING ON ME! Aww poor Lenny-Wenny. Lenne: ARE YOU STARTING!!! *Cowers* No... Lenne: Ok good ^_^ Tidus: What are you doing here anyway? You're not writing this story. Lenne: Or am i? *Mysterious music* Sephiroth: No, you're not. Your brother is. Now i think you should leave. Lenne: I JUST WANTED TO BELONG DAMMIT! *cries* Don't listen to them sis. You can stay if you want. Lenne: *Sniff* Someone does love me! ^_^ Sephiroth: Your brother doesn't count. Lenne: He's not actually my brother. We have this internet family kinda thing goin' on. He's actually in love with me but he hides it by calling me sis. She's lying. Ignore that. Quartz: What does this have to do with the story? Nothing. I'm just bored. Quartz: Then get on with it before i embed a book in the side of your head. What is this, pick on the narrator day? T_T Lenne and Quartz: Yes!!! Well in that case you can write your own damn story. I'm going to go hang myself. Tidus: But- ~To be continued~ Tidus: Now look what you've done. I SAID ~To be continued~! |
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06-07-2008, 09:35 PM
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