Eyes on Final Fantasy Forums > General > Writer's Corner > Poems

[Dolentrean]

I have a few old poems, used to write alot more, I will start posting the few I havent lost here, hopfully it will get me back into writing some new ones soon. Any advice/critiques are welcome.

[Dolentrean]

To start with, here is the worst of mine I could find.

Violets are Blue

Roses are red

Violets are blue

And thus is born the greatest cliché of our time,

Expressing our emotion in a simple five verse rhyming travesty

Pushing fourth from our hearts a lie,

Dripping from our lips, what we think is honey.

But deep in our eyes, the emotion wont come to pass

Even with a confessing, streaming like a river theres always more.

Always building up inside, not bursting forth.

So we tell them a simple fact, a verse bled dry

Roses are red

Violets are blue

The beginning of countless ironys.

But the flowers mean nothing to the rest of the verse

Like we five them as a gift?

But we take what is safe.

We hand them a used gift.

So violets are blue

And roses are red,

And we safely live out our lives,

Like were already dead.

[Momiji]

My personal opinion:
The concept of your poem is fantastic, and I like how descriptive you are. However, (and this is just a structural issue) it kind of looks unusual where you wrote:

"Roses are red

Violets are blue".

Again, this is my personal opinion, but I think those two phrases would look much more pleasing if you put them in the same line, separated by a comma. Otherwise, I thought your poem is absolutely great!

[Dolentrean]

This is one I like a bit better, still not my best work sadly. Let 'er Rip.



Purgatory

Trust, seeing but never allowing
Awakening in our hearts like a new spring blossom,
Only to be kept under our heavy watchful eye.
Always sought after, yet always hard to see.
Like faith it is intangible-
Like love it can fool you-
Like desire it can hunger you-
But like the wind it changes

Or

Is it in our minds?
Is it in our hearts that trust loosens
To be blown away like one thousand dandelion seeds.
Even if trust is firm, our minds can dilute it.
Trust is not broken, trust is lost.
We find it hard to trust so we make it seem the trust is gone.
And like a river our desires change,
Flowing us forward to our destination
Until we bank in our own personal purgatory,
Holding naught but the lone severed strands of trust
The ones the hurricane of imagination tore asunder.
For we cant plant these seeds,
When our winds unearth them
Before they have the chance to root.