Eyes on Final Fantasy Forums > General > Writer's Corner > Kingdom Hearts Interactive Story

[The_White_Wizard_of_Fynn]

Originally Posted by Clawsze ^

Originally Posted by The_White_Wizard_of_Fynn ^

Great, now we have everything... Even my crappy drawings...

They aren't crappy, better than my feeble attempt at drawing Maxs on Paint.

But that's Paint. Paint is meant to be crappy and yours actually seemed pretty good. Fk... Flennen... I mean... Enough, we should stop doing this, or they'll close us once again...

[Clawsze]

We'll make another one then....anyways, Celestial still needs to do her HC character.

[Hazzard]

I think we should discuss how the story is gonna develop in PM's for now on, and start to add the interactive polling more often in the story post.

[The_White_Wizard_of_Fynn]

I say "aye"!

[CelestialStarDust]

i dont see how discussing the story counts as spam,thats what the forum is for.its all the stuff we did OTHER than that,my nuclear bombs and such.

[Hazzard]

It doesn't count as a spam, but more of a spoiler for viewers or fans, and ruins the anticipation for reading the actual chapters, when they already get the gist of what's gonna happen next.

[CelestialStarDust]

we have fans??>_>oh my.alright then.PMing it is.

[Goldenboko]

Here's an idea, why don't you update the original posts so you can discuss the story and people don't have to swim through the thread to find things? If you don't discuss the story like you have been people won't be able to contribute like I am right now.

Here's going to be my critique it'll probably have more bad then good to say, but thats just how I work, I try to use constructive criticism to improve others writing. I will be continually updating my review as I read more and more into the story.

Review: Now that its finally in a text document I can actually read the thing over. You all have made a decent amount of progress thus far so I plan to read it piece by piece.

I've finished the first segment where she is at the platforms and it felt... rushed. There was little description in her surroundings, or on the large "beast" she faces. In fact when she faces the beast you have no idea what it looks like, how big it is, or where it is, you just say its... there. You seem to be taking advantage of the fact most people that will be reading this have played Kingdom Hearts. I hope as I read this will not be a recurring mistake. Also from what I've read its missing a... flow. The story leaps from one place to another with little transition. One second she's taking on a terrible beast, the next she's knocked out at her home, the next she's taking on the beast again. It just feels like your being thrown into situations and as a writer or a reader its not what you want.