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#1  Mech Assault Eiko guys new story So i have an idea for a story I haven't written anything until now so let's see how it goes. Mysterious Beginings I wake up after a short nap on the ship. I looked out the window and saw space flying by. I didn't really want to leave Earth for the Gorifa galaxy, but my parents had the money and that galaxy is how my mother puts it "Pleasntly peaceful." I glanced over toward my family. Mom was on her eyecomputer. You use dour nodes on your fingers to make a screen and a contact in your eye that shows both the virtual keyboard and the screen, no doubt checking out our new house for the thousandth time. Dad was driving and drinking a little, like he always did. My sister was in a virtual chatroom talking to her friends. I was laying back and listening to the sounds of space. My mom logged off of her EC and looked over at me. She smoothed down her long brown hair and straightened her glasses. "How you holding up bud" she asks in a consoling voice. I look at her and turn back toward the ships window. "Good" I just let it escape my thoughts and escape my lips. I close my eyes and enter sleep, my only chance for freedom. Okay that is only part of it but I like it what do you think. To be continued... |
03-17-2007, 11:34 PM
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| | Good because more is coming I awoke startled at how I couldnt feel the gentle rocking of the rocket moving. I guessed that we must have arrived. I was wrong, dead wrong. I looked out of the paassenger side window and saw it. Space pirates, fear crawled through my being like a mouse looking into a snake's eyes. I didn't know what to do. They entered the cabins I saw they were wearing long cloaks and ahd on masks. Masks of happy and sad theater players. They Put us all on the floor and rummaged through our stuff. I had my hood up at the time so they never saw my face. "Mom what do we do" I whisper quietly over to her. "We be quiet and cooperate. I think they will let us live." One thought entered my mind, Why us? What did we have that could possibly interest them. After they searched through a good portion of our stuff one of them finds a picture. They look at each other and start to confer. I then realize that they can't be human from the way they click and clack with their mouths. One of them leaves as another pulls out a plasma pistol and watches us with it's now visible eye stalks. The pirate that left comes back and has brought a friend. "Stand up" he says with a very convincing tone. "He looks at me and then at the picture. He pulls out another and compares. "You come with me" he says which shocled me. I froze unable to think clearly enough to move. "You're not taking my son" my mother says stepping in front of me. I look at her still in shock. "And what would you do about that little miss" Before I know what she raises her hand and one of the pirates is pinned against the wall. SHe pulls her hand back and he falls to the ground. I look at my mom in disbelief. What did she just do? Can I do it? What about my litle sister, sarah, can she?My father steps inbetween me and the pirates as well."You have no chance Charles" my dad raises his hand and the Captain doesn't move. "Your tricks wont work on me anymore." I black out from all the confusion. Chapter 2 I guess I will ad more into the first one later I wake up and see I'm in a bed. I start to entertain the idea that it was all a dream but it is shattered almost as soon as it was formed. "I see you are awake" says the voice of the captain. He steps into the room and I get a good look at him.... Will edit in later |
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03-18-2007, 01:36 AM
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 | For example, i'll take this sentence form your first entry: "I wake up after a short nap on the ship. I looked out the window and saw space flying by." If you add in a couple of words it becomes: "I awoke after a short, but satisfying, nap on my family's ship. I looked out the rocket window and saw the black emptiness of space flying by." That way, it becomes a little bit more visual and believable. |
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03-19-2007, 08:39 PM
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| | He is about 6 feet and 7 inches tall. Way better looking than any of the other pirates. He has a newly shaven face I can tell. His hair is pulled back into a brown and hazel streaked ponytail. He carries a plasma sword and plasma rifle on his hips. His eyes sparkle yellow. Much like mine. He has a weathered look to him that is sharply contrasted by his smile and bright expression. "So how are you doing" he says in a strong but gentle voice. I glare at him finally remebering what happened, "Where is my family." "They are safe. They won't be able to hurt you anymore." i had sat up when he came in now I was in his face. Or as close as I could get with this height gap. I punched him right in the face. "How dare you insult my parents on how they treated me. You have no idea how great my life was. What do you want from me." He looked at me with a hard glare as he rubbed where I had punched him. "You got a good right hook. Just like your father." I looked at him puzzled for a minute before he continued. "I am here to fulfill my destiny, and for that to happen I will need you to cooperate." i was shocked at his straight forwardness. I looked around the room admiring all the little trinkets and furniture. I turned back to him and saw he was seriously giving me a say in if I decide to join. "I will do it but you have to promise I will be able to return to my parents once it is over." He looked at me shocked "That's not a problem. I can't wait to meet them." We shook on it and as he left I looked him up and down. Cute I definitely have to say. I lay back down on the bed and fall into a light doze. |
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03-28-2007, 01:45 AM
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