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[Moon Rabbits]

content warning and all that stuff, strong language at moments, etc. etc. read on if you're not bothered!~

"Finally done, eh?" Mr. McKinnon clapped his arm on my shoulder and looked me square in the eye. "I told you that you'd do it."

It really only sunk in then. I wasn't a student anymore. I think it was because he said 'finally' that I realized I was really finished. That, and he had told me that I'd do it, but that was over six years ago. I couldn't write my occupation as student on applications or surveys anymore, for I was unemployed now. I had to start making a future for myself, cutting my own path with the help of a new career. It scared and excited me all at once, and forced a whole bunch of other emotions on me that I couldn't even begin to make sense of.

"Yeah," I nodded, smiled a bit, maybe.

I remembered back when I first took a biology class that was taught by Mr. McKinnion. I was a bastard. Every day I came to class with a bad attitude, I wasn't going to do work and no one could make me, and on top of that, I was always a stubborn stoner.

I never really lagged behind academically, but somewhere in my third year at highschool my fingers fumbled as I tried to untie the tangled mess that had become my life. I can't blame it on the drugs, I had always used drugs in highschool, (hell, I even still use some) but I guess they didn't make things any better.

"Do you feel any different?" he questioned me. I thought about it as I watched him pack his papers into his bag. There wasn't any noise other than the rustling paper, it was three-thirty and his class had already left.

"Uh," I thought about it for a second longer. "Yeah, way different, Mr. McKinnion."

"Call me Arthur," he told me. I guess he was right, I wasn't his student anymore, I hadn't been for a long time. "I'm sure you'll get used to this feeling. I did. Sure, it is overwhelming to start your life, but you're in for an amazing trip."

"I guess so," I looked at my watch as I spoke. "Damnit. I have to go, Mr. - er, Arthur. I told Greg that I'd meet him at five for dinner, and he lives a bit of a bus ride away.

But I came here to thank you, sir. I messed up alot when I was a teenager, and I'm not really sure if I'd turn out the way I did if you never helped me. You showed me what an education was worth, and how stupid I was to throw one away."

He stopped, the papers in his hand quivered an inch above his desk. "Eric, I didn't do anything. Everything you've accomplished has been because of you. I just nudged you in the proper direction."

"Yeah, well, thanks for that," I stuck my hand out and he shook it. I wanted to hug him, because despite what he said I still think he was one of the people who saved my life. I still had another one of my teachers to visit, and I wanted to catch her before she left, so I gave Arthur McKinnon a final goodbye and walked out the door.

Once again, I was filled with a burst of anxiousness and urgency. I knew I wouldn't see him again, even though he played such a vital role earlier in my life. My eyes tingled with tears, but I held them back. After I graduated, I promised I wouldn't cry as I closed this chapter of the book, I had to move on now.

I sort of jogged down to Ms. Borden's room, I don't really know what made me do it. It didn't matter though, as I came to room 107 I got that feeling all over again. I spent four years of my life in these hallways, and today was the last day I would be there, I don't know how I knew that but I did. I pushed all my feelings aside and knocked on the frame of the door as I stepped inside.

The woman inside wasn't Ms. Borden, it was a woman I had never seen before. She was young, thirty something, and she was dressed rather conservatively with her red hair drawn tightly into a bun at the back of her head.

"May I help you?" she looked at me sideways as she erased the mathematical formulae on the chalk board.

"Maybe," I informed, I let myself lean on a desk. "Do you know where Ms. Borden is?"

She hesitated to answer me. I looked to the back of the room, at my old desk. It still had things carved into the surface, the artistic contribution of many students including myself.

I hoped I hadn't been too late to see Ms. Borden before she left the school. I had always read books or seen movies where students are helped along by their teachers, their teachers were always great people. I never had that in my school though, but then I had Arthur McKinnon and Ms. Borden for teachers.

Arthur McKinnon taught me, and he made me realize that I needed to get an education, that I needed a real job later. He showed me how to think about the future, and how important it was. Ms. Borden was different though, she taught me that my life was worth living into the future.

In my third year, that's when Ms. Borden taught me. I had her first period, so I wasn't high in her class as often as I was in Arthur McKinnon's, but I still was a bit of a jackass. She didn't care about that though, she saw something was wrong with me and did her damned best to fix it.

"Eric," she stopped me after class one day. "Is something bothering you?"

"No," I said with the utmost of finality. I wanted to have a cigarette before next period, and she was standing in my way.

"Are you sure?" she asked me, looking over her glasses with an analytical glare.

"No," I repeated, and I wasn't lying. I wasn't sure what was wrong with me, I just knew I was pissed off, scared, and depressed all at once.

"If you need an adult to talk to, I'm here up until lunch." she said. I wanted to tell her everything, but I couldn't. She was the first person who actually asked to hear about my problems, and I felt I could tell her things that I couldn't get my friends to answer. "I care about my students."

I broke down. It all came rushing out of my mouth so fast I couldn't stop it. Everything I ever thought about or did, it was laid out in front of us to see. I didn't like what I saw, all of my problems looked stupid or disgusting. I told her about living in a foster home, the death of my dog, my sexuality, my drug use, my smoking, my drinking, my confusion, my anger, my lonliness, my fear for the future. Everything all at once, and I topped it off with tears.

We both sat in silence for a moment. Finally, she spoke to me. She didn't treat me like a student, or a child, but another human being. Ms. Borden had her flaws, just like me, you could hear it in her voice. She didn't address all my problems specifically, but she covered alot, and what she said last made things seem better.

"I can't lie to you," she told me, honesty spilled from every word. "Life is hell, sometimes. Everyone has days where getting out of bed doesn't seem worth it, I know I do. And you know what? Sometimes it isn't worth it, sometimes staying in bed all day would've been better.
But you can't think like that, Eric. If you don't get up to face life, imagine what you could miss. Not everything is poetically beautiful, but that doesn't change the fact that everything is worth seeing. Nothing I say is going to fix your problems, and I'm not going to lie and tell you that things will all turn out alright, but you have to believe me when I say that life is worth experiencing."

We never talked like that again. I was her student again, and I didn't get any preferential treatment. I was glad she didn't change, though. I didn't want her to treat me differently just because I couldn't handle my own life.

"Ms. Borden no longer teaches here," the new teacher told me. Damnit, I thought, I'd have to visit her on another day.

"Where does she teach now?" I asked, anxious again.

"She died three years ago," she said sadly, glancing at the floor. What she said didn't really click in, I sort of just stood there. "Heart failure."

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how I felt. How could she have died? I had to thank her, she saved me after all. I felt angry at her, and I felt angry at myself because of it.

"Thank you," I replied, my voice shook with insecurity. I turned around and left the room, I ran down the hallway and out of the school. The snow and cold clawed at my face, unrelenting. My coat fluttered madly about my knees as I ran, tears burned in the corners of my eyes as my heart rate increased with every step. My lungs begged me to stop, a smoker shouldn't run. I reached a hill, I bolted up it.

At last, I reached the top. My body was aching, punishing me for pushing it beyonds its limits. The base of the local water tower was ten feet away, I walked over and sat beneath it huddled against the cold. Numbly, I reached into my pocket and retrieved my glass pipe, I couldn't hold my hands still, I was too cold and too upset.

The bowl was packed, and I placed the pipe to my lips. A shiver shook me and my hands jumped, causing the weed to fall into the snow below.

"smurf," I said. My voice cracked, I started to cry. "smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf."

I repeated it, I yelled, I screamed, I shook. I hated this. She died too young, she didn't get to do what she had always told me to. She never got to experience her life. She wasn't even married, she never fell in love.

I stayed huddled against the water tower for a few minutes more, my body shook and spasmed with the cold many times. Eventually, I realized I couldn't stay there any longer. I stood up, brushed myself off, wiped my face, and walked back down the hill.

Life was worth living, I knew that. I also knew that Ms. Borden never got a chance to truly live, she was always stuck in a class room teaching others how. I wished she could have fallen in love, and grown old. I don't think it's fair that she never got her chance to live, I don't think it's fair that her life ended so early. But life never has been fair, it's never even been manageable.

C&C? Suggest I title too, if you have one.

edit: sorry for the double spaced paras, the indents werent working