When You Call Me Forth

BizarroSephiroth · 02-01-2007, 10:40 PM

Call me when I'm needed
I will help
Call me when your sick
I'll be there
Call me when your dying
I'll lay your final words to rest
But call me when you lie and decieve
And I'll hate you forever.............

Vikeve · 02-01-2007, 11:24 PM

That is basicly how life goes.

Short but sweet.

farplaner · 02-02-2007, 08:09 AM

I'm a bit anal, but you misuse 'your' when you mean "you're" (-you are-, that's a good way to distinguish between them) in lines 3 and 5. 'Your' (the possesive) is correct in line 6. and 'deceive' not 'decieve.'

Otherwise, why is the narrator putting the subject's words to rest?
Also, "And I'll hate you forever" sounds a bit childish.

Sorry to not offer anything positive, but address what I say, and I'll tell you what I liked about it.

BizarroSephiroth Location: New York City (I am not a Mariners fan)	#1 When You Call Me Forth Call me when I'm needed I will help Call me when your sick I'll be there Call me when your dying I'll lay your final words to rest But call me when you lie and decieve And I'll hate you forever.............
02-01-2007, 10:40 PM

Vikeve The misunderstood one =( Location: Why do you want to know Rapist!?	#2 (permalink) That is basicly how life goes. Short but sweet.
02-01-2007, 11:24 PM