Eyes on Final Fantasy Forums > General > Writer's Corner > I AM A BIG FAT HAIRY MONSTER NAMED FRED.

[Kenji Longaway]

Allow me to introdce myself.
I am a Big Fat Hairy Monster named Fred.
When you go to sleep at night, I am the one that is creeping underneath your bed.
And if you are silly enough to check underneath, you will probably end up dead.
Because I will eat you.
That is what big fat hairy monsters are supposed to do.
Were all dastardly fiendish and cruel.
Our lips are covered in drool.
When you see me, it sucks to be you.
And when kids say "Dear God, please don't eat me!", pity the fool.
I will slowly digest you over time.
For some odd reason, what I am writing seems to rhyme?
It's probably because I am a Big Fat Hairy Monster, yeah, thats it.
Guess what? My face is covered in zits.
I eat 5 kids a day.
I eat the meat and throw the bones away.
Some kids give me indigestion.
My actions, some would question.
If your a parent, that is.
So tonight, stay close to your brother and your sis.
Then I can't get you.
But be not proud...because the next time the lights go off, I will be waiting underneath your bed.
But it is best not to worry your little head.
Because I will probably devour you whole.
If I feel like being mean, I will do it slow.
Don't worry. You won't feel a thing.
Well, maybe just a little bit of a sting.
I am a Big Fat Hairy Monster named Fred.
So good night, don't let the bed bugs bite.
because I will be waiting under your bed.
As soon as you turn off the light...