In 1997, subscribers to Nintendo Power magazine were mailed a ten-minute promotional video tape from Nintendo for the purpose of advertising Star Fox 64 and the Rumble Pak. The latter was a revolutionary force-feedback device at the time, and the former was the first game to use it--not to mention one of the best video games of all time.

However, the tape was far from a straight informational feature. On the contrary, what it actually contained was a melodramatic descent into absolute madness, a Lovecraftian tangle of laughing corpses and cannibalistic man-beasts howling cruel omens from the deepest pit of Nintendo of America's headquarters in Redmond, Washington. If you combined all the bad acting, embarrassing commercial depravity, and sheer stupefying insanity on display in both the Zelda Rap and Sega's "blast processing" ads and then multiplied that sum a million times, the result would still not measure up to the abominable horrors to be found in the Star Fox 64 promotional tape. And now, for the consumption and culture of the unwashed masses, some kind soul has finally uploaded it to Google Video. Enjoy it, and may God help us all.