Well, I suppose I could tell you about how I rose to my glorious position as the leader of all beings in 7 out of 13 dimensions. I shall now impart to you an abridged version of my first steps to becoming the omnipotent lizard...thing you know today. As you may know, I was born from the collective of lost souls from the cruise ship Titanic. But, what caused this to happen exactly? I shall tell you; the Chinese! The whole "the ship whacked an iceberg" story was merely a cover up so as not to worry the fragile round eyes of the western world, you see. The Republic of China, formed the same year, put an end to the long standing tradition of imperial rule. The Manchus were furious following the events of Empress Dowager Longyu's signing of the abdication on behalf of child Emperor Puyi and she was driven underground to live with the Skurr and Clossbones society, also leaking a false report of her dying due to an 'illness'.
There, in the underground city of what was once Xi'an, Longyu and the S&CS devised a plan conquer a new land, and set their narrow eyes on the west after seeing how hopped up on Cocaine the Americans were. They popularized legal opium dens and slowly the Americans were oblivious to the fact that the Imperials were invading every facet of society. Jesus Chirst, being the greatest American who ever lived, was displeased but could not blow his cover as silent film star Mary Pickford so instead summoned his father, Odin Achmed Changstein, to use his black magic to conjure up a creature so terrifying, so vile, that even the Empress herself would shake like Michael J. Fox after spending two hours in a dryer.
After harvesting the now bloodthirsty, revenge-driven souls of the Titanic and infusing them with the powers of might, wisdom, and persuasion, Changstein needed a physical body to put this creation into, and what is more despised and vile than a reptile? Thus, I was cast into this body and was given the task to saving America (and by extension the world, of course) from the Evil Empress Longyu. I crawled under many a rotting log and flat rock, searching for the entrance to Xi'an. I roamed the coasts, occasionally getting attacked by seagulls (one of which inadvertently claimed my virginity, he was a very confused seagull living in a very repressed era), but the search for Xi'an seemed to be for naught. After many months, perhaps years or even hours of searching I stumbled upon the ancient capital via a secret passage in the Great Wall. As I neared the gates, out came a most terrible sight...
harro~
A usernote for Leeza cause I caught her dropping by!
"Rebel"? What, falling for the "bad boys" now? Did Twilight convert you?
Took you long enough to notice. :leeza: I put it up before you even quit.
Shlup, probably; she adds most of the new smilies. And smoking cat is pretty awesome.
OH YOU WOULD SO NOT, and your attempts to make me miss you even MORE only justify my continual insistence of you being the Evilest Member to ever haunt EoFF!
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A Big Deal?
can we sleep now?
lomas de chapultepec
...you hot, salty nut!
meh
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