The Journal Thread (November)

Agent Proto · 11-10-2002, 04:44 AM

Dear Journal,
Today has been a nice day. There's been a wedding at my house, and such. I also created a new long dued Journal Thread in the Daily Grind. Please forgive me for my lateness.

~proto

xenapan · 11-10-2002, 08:58 AM

i nenver knew about this fourm.. well i guess ill post my day as well..
my alergy is killing me (my nose just keeps running and i just sneeze for hours on end) im sure it has something to do with the air. anyways... bad day just turgot worse.. my dad todl me we are going out to a friend's for dinenr and i got loads of work to do . im STILL missing a system to investigate, and analyze for my second ICT coursework and i need to ahve done a full analysis of the system by tuesday.. its sunday arleady and i have no CLUE what im going to do. jsut to make things worse, i ahve english coursework deadlines popping up all over the place enxt week. im behind in maths adn im running outta time. @_@ i hate being behind no matter how hard i try.

Bulldog · 11-10-2002, 03:53 PM

Hello, I need to rant, and I'll do it here.

Although I am very tired and my brain right now is very sleepy and slow, I hope I can at least share some of my thoughts. Li'l intro; I'm lonely though I live with one of my girl friends right now who cheer me up from time to time. I do not do well in school, and I am often mistaken as a stoner/goth type slacker who does not think, if it were true I would have some more friends. Since my reading/thinking/writing lifestyle I have adapted to become an indendependant person who is sick of writing for his own pleasure and critique, I wish to hear many people's responses that actually are somewhat interested(I hope). The first and foremost concept I have, is of the nature of knowledge, I have never given a second of my time to epistomology(spelt wrong probly) but I think I have a suitable foundation on the theory of knowledge. I like to use a tree, and the tree is the tree of knowledge, the origin is not important right now, the base trunk is not either, but what is important is the nature of this tree. The tree obviously is abstract in nature, the tree contains everything that is true and false. People elaborate and expand on old concepts or branches of the tree, and if the old branches relate to a new branch, a new branch is grown, and all that is true and believed by people is in this tree. The problem with this concept of the tree is the actual purpose of the growing. If one wonders about the branches, he will reflect back on older branches to put the further branches in reason, if one must consider those branches now looked at, he must go back again to back up his truth. If this process continues for quite some time he will find himself in trouble, for he will start to lose confidence in his more base stems, if he can still continue and continue he will come back to the base theories. The base theories obviously can not follow the same rule of going back again, so they are now laws. They are objective entities apparently, bearing absolute fruits. If the nature of this reasoning is put into question it can only be defended by itself, and it seems the reason in these theories are empty with logic. These empty objective concepts make all of our other concepts, even the concepts of subjective and objective! It now seems that the tree really is chaos, it can't even use terms objective or subjective, that is unless objective is the base. The problem even then is, objectivity is base? How can one ever assume theories of gravity and math if it is based off of objectivity itself? It's like pulling a rabbit out of the hat.... but there is more. The tree does have one thing going for it, my reason got left behind in the further branches, realization got left behind, in fact everything empirical and known by us as a person is left behind, human is no longer here, perception and reason is no more. Everything we know and can conceive is gone, I can go no further to defend or attack it, so it seems it is not a suitable belief. If absolute laws don't seem to be able to give ground to subjective laws it's just ur idea that comes after the belief, so youreally can't say.... anyways, I don't feel like ranting anymore about this, although I feel somewhat refreshed now. Scrolling up, I see a lot of stuff I probably would disagree with, but whatever. It just popped out of my head. I feel a lot better now.

I don't have the virus. Yay!

xenapan · 11-12-2002, 01:33 PM

sigh... i swear i ahve this thing with procastination. ive got only 500 words to write for my english coursework analysis but im posting here instead because its much easier to pass time than doing my english. ive done half the notes already and all i need to do is get them out of my bag adn put them on the talbe in front of me and start typing. why am i here typing this? i just seem to feel all my friends are too busy for me. i call anyone and they are either not at home or busy. (im supposed to be busy with work too... but i procastinate) it jsut seems in the matter of 2 weeks ive lost all my friends who either say one word to me then turn to leave or jsut simply refuse to speak to me in wihc i get an amazing im busy or maybe sometimes with a sorry in front.
worst thing is... two girls that ive been relatively friendly with just seem to have gotten so moody all of a sudden... one is totally avoiding me.. the other is busy worrying about getting rejected by the universities shes applied to and when i try to comfort her she jsut goes kinda berserk then suddenly melancholy silent. thing is... 4 A's 1B and shes worried... i messed up and got 1B 1C 3D's for my last set of exams...i call ehr at home try to talk to her i get the sorry im realyl busy ill call you back when i can then no phone call for the next week. is there a bunch of gigantic letters on my forehead saying im a loser ignore me? it sure feels that way. anyways.. my rant for today si done.. i got english to do.

Yuffie2 · 11-13-2002, 01:39 AM

Dear journal,
Today i lost my homework so i had a detention.
But, only 11 and counng das till my b-day, I onde what ill get???ivelooked everywhere for my presents but noting!

i hat parents, they always know where to hide the presenets.
Sincerely,
Me^^;

Kami · 11-16-2002, 06:12 AM

dear journal,
i finally told him that i would like to be only friends. i felt really bad at first but now im fine. we;re talkign to each other online right now. he said he wanted me to be his first girlfriend... if i was his first he would be my first too. erm... yeah... man i dotn get respect at church. oh well... my best friend seems only a friend now..... i have no true friends... no ture love.. nothing. man do i feel empty. dammit.. wheres the death pills when you need'em??

Yuffie2 · 11-16-2002, 04:11 PM

lol...yah

Bulldog · 11-17-2002, 06:09 PM

The reason I awake each morning is only to go back to sleep at night.
Moving through motions of no importance, I step into my clothes, clean and white.
Am I at school? I’m affirmed by the bell’s chime.
Now I am home, consuming droplets of time.
A stain on my shirt shows up insistently, overshadowed by the lack of light.

It’s all the same, no more good than bad. Here or there, school or home, dirty or clean,
Either way it’s tiring and gray.

Potholes clog my life-in-progress, surrounding me, and my pace has to slow.
Above the horizon the stars sink and the sky is now lit by a faraway window
Which blinks out with the dusk’s sleepy closing.
Permanence fades, cyclical progression imposing
Only a lantern burns fighting off night, extinguished by a single blow.

The glimmer of life had long since worn off.
Mechanics replacing ambition, inconvenience prevents dreams from being realized.
My goal is to finish my work so I can sleep.

I challenge you to give me one reason to care.
Of my faults and of yours, I am fully aware.
Should I do something about it? Help you out? Help myself? No…
There’s nothing better up here than in the swampy chasms of nonexistence below.
To be perfectly frank, there’s nothing anywhere.

Nice is never real
Mean is painful to feel.
Constance is regressing
Change is depressing.
Motion is a chore but rest is a bore.
People are fake, not fully awake
Religion’s a game and traditions are the same
Family’s a joke, from whom truth never spoke!
Everything I see is unnecessary. Needless lint to occupy me.

Likewise, my unquenchable thirst for meaning is stifled
And content is diffused to match the rest of existence,
Or nonexistence,
After realizing that life’s no more than a tangle of trifles.
When no black or white or distinctions at all define your life, any change is welcome.
At least then you have something to compare it to.

What’s the difference?
It’s all the same, no more good than bad. Empty or full, alive or dead, to go or to stay.
Either way it’s tiring and gray.

I’ve fallen into a pothole where I want to take a nap.
To blanket myself in pity, like a warm mother’s lap.
But it’s hard to rest when you aren’t tired.
I could exhaust myself with work, put my energy to use,
But I’d rather sit here and watch fungus reproduce.
It’s not easy to strive when you’re not inspired.

I’d relinquish my life to the dark crowded underworld,
Where my eyes would stay shut and I could sleep forever,
Where I don’t have to know what is true and what’s not, or play along with the useless sport of survival, pretending to care, feigning interest, creating drama to bury the sharp void of uncertainty we pretend has been filled.
Regardless, I let myself function, waiting, dormant, for any change at all to use as kindling,
For I’d be a hypocrite to say life is pointless and death is not.
But hope is draining through the loose soil, and I grow weary of fruitless anticipation for what I know does not exist.
Can you blame me?

Life is neither good nor bad,
Has nothing to fight or to pursue.
But I wish it was and had, because,
Then at least I’d have something to do.

I've recieved this mail from a person, and it totally made me think: "That's basically my life." Eck, reading this makes me feel even more empty. I need to do something exciting. Like driving a bus or something. I've always wanted to do that once.