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 1. huhtikuuta, 2002 Dear Diary, I love Gollum now.
04-01-2002, 06:04 PM
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 Heh, I know I have my own LJ but I feel like posting in here. All I want to do right now is go watch my Dad motor-racing. I'm just into cars at the moment. I have no idea why. Maybe it's because I've watched The Fast and The Furious too many times. *shakes head* My Mum just told me that one of my cousins is going to stay with us for about a year to go to school and I'm gonna have to share my room with her. I don't want to seem spoilt or anything and I'm not compared to my brother but I just want my own room. I want my own space. It's like, in my room I can do whatever I want without anyone bothering me. Is that so much to ask?! What is even annoying is that my Mum asks me about her staying in my room and she still doesn't care what my opinion is. What's the point of asking me anything these days if I'm never gonna be listened to. I've finally realised what lyrics really describe me at this very point. I don't like this singer or her music but it's just the lyrics. It's Britney Spears: Overprotected. The title says it all about me and my life. My parents are just not making my life any better. I keep thinking I'm gonna end up worse than my brother at his age which is 18. I need freedom, damnit!
04-06-2002, 02:25 AM
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| Saturday, April 06, 2002 - 10:04 AM Tired, Very, very, very tired. Got about 45 minutes of sleep last night - not that I am angry or anything, I mean Matt did let Paul and I stay at his place AGAIN. It's all because of the weather - bloody hell - it's suppose to be spring and we got a snow storm last night! WHAT THE HECK IS THE DEAL? We all went to Kelsey's for dinner last night - the food wasn't bad - though I still don't know how Matt and Paul can eat the amount of fast food they do! I eat out once a week at most - but they eat out everyday - sometimes a couple of times in one day! Well, I guess it is none of my business - I am allowed to eat healthy and on the same token, they are allowed to eat as unhealthy as they want. Well, I am probably tired right now because I worked out for 45 or 50 minutes until about 8:50 or 9:00 this morning when I got home . It was hard worked out yes but I always feel SO much better. Boy, I sure have come a long way from the fat kid that I use to be - now I am in better shape than most people who are my age - 18. I guess I just need to finally shake those last nagging feelings of self-hate that I have stuggled with for so long - it might be hard but I MUST DO IT! Guess even though we had a storm last night it sure is a nice morning - nice and sunny - I should give Matt a call in little while so we can get together and play some road hockey. Matt that lucky jerk seems to be making progress with Tara - wish I could find someone - but the caliber of females in this town leaves just a little to be desired. All well, this time next year I will be finishing my first year of college in my hometown of Toronto and there will be no shortage of fine fine females. I mean, I remember what happend when Matt and I went down to Ryerson in October! On that note I was accepted to every college that I applied - doesn't really supprise me. I should probably be able to get an entry scholarship fairly easily. Guess that's about it for now - writing this and listening to Creed has helped me to perk up a bit. Fun fun silly willy! Later!
04-06-2002, 03:26 PM
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| Dear Journal, (Or whatever this is)My first post in this section and excuse me if I get a tad wordy. I am today and continue to everyday be surprised by the varity of thoughts I have. During one class, for example, I had the overwhelming sense of how little I was. How much no one asked, nor even did they think, of what I had to say. Then in the next, I was incited by a disscusson on tolerence to a new idea. Though I see that the world needs to be changed, I now realize what it means to appreciate those dreams of the perfect world that I and everyone else, no doubt, have. I also now appreciate better the world that I live in, yes indeed, I do love it. Though some people have some fantastic dreams, I have very simple ones. Ones where love replaces all hate, and ones where I am not alone. Loneliness, I can feel it mounting every day, like a force that is growing inside me and laying in wait for me to lower my defenses for a second so that it might destroy me. I wish I knew of some way to stop the loneliness, but it is based in truth, and as such, very difficult to stop. I keep thinking how alone I am..... certainly I have freinds and family, but I am alone, never the less. My family is constantly fearing the world outside, my freinds all moving in totaly oppisite directions as I, and all those others I see are all too engulfed in petty and small activities. This is what my loneliness says to my all the time. I hate the lonely feeling, but I hate even more pitty. Pitty is not real to me and if I allow the pitty of others to reach me then the loneliness will have won. I shant allow that to happen......................
04-11-2002, 09:20 PM
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