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#49  Ok I've come to the conclusion that I'm not the nice guy I thought I was. CASE IN POINT: I found myself getting pleasure from someone else's pain. I'm not that kind of person I am sensitive to others feelings and needs. I try to help anytime it is possible, yet today while reading someone else's journal on livejournal I found myself somehow uplifted by their misfortune. Now it could be because this person has made it a goal in her life to bash me and make me out to be just like all the other males she has ever met. This is because I wasn't able to be who she wanted me to be, and once the threshold of friendship is crossed there are seldom cases of backing up to being just friends and that working. Perhaps it was just that thought of at least she knows a little of how I feel now. What ever the reason the bottom line is pretty obvious, I gained pleasure from her pain and that to me is revolting. I can't believe I have this side to me. I wonder if it has always been there and if so how many other times have I been able to find relief in others misery or how many times without realizing it? Is this simply a human trait? Do others have this happen to them, if so does that make them less nice? Now upon the total confusion of life as it is I add a new layer of complexity and open upon myself a complete new list of questions…  |
11-13-2001, 11:25 PM
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 |  Wednesday, November 14, 2001 Ha ha. Today was a confusing day indeed. I'll go through it, although I'm sure no one will read it. First I woke up and took a shower, nothing new. I checked to see if the RO severs were back up, but nope, they weren't. So I drank some orange juice, brushed my teeth and went to school. At school, nothing was up much, we played sherades in French and then in English, we just read. After English, I have study hall and almost every day I go up to my locker. Well, on the way to my locker, I walk by the math class, and the girl I like, a lot, is in there. Well, normally she is looking down and never sees me, and I don't think about what I am doing until I am in her sight range, but she never sees me. Well, today I wasn't pay attention, and I was bobbing my head or something, and I really didn't notice, maybe I was just walking up the stairs weird, but I looked up and she was looking out the door window, and the she smiled. However I couldn't tell if she was smiling or laughing, so I just half smiled back and continued on my way. I am quite bad with girls, especially her, I can't talk to, or around her very well at all. Any way, that was the top of my day. Other than that, I think my father may be cheating on my mother, but I guess thats my problem, kind of. So, I wont go into it. |
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11-14-2001, 11:16 PM
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 | Mood - Anxious Music - Offspring, Green Day 11-14-01 I just found out that KB's is only selling the Gamecube packs for like $400. So, My friend and I are going to K-Mart on the 18 at 7:30 in the morning to get Gamecubes. Maybe 6:30 if they open at 8. I'm worried that there might be a huge line of people there and that they'll sell out of Gamecubes before my friend and I can get one... Do you think we'll be able to get one? |
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11-15-2001, 12:05 AM
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 | No. *is still waiting for you to write back* The countdown to junior exams has begun!!! 4 days to go!!! *sleeps longer than usual and gets ready to cram study* |
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11-15-2001, 07:32 AM
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 | *Ö_Ö* From Mik's LJ: Mik's random shedding. [16 Nov 2001|12:40am] [ mood | Like a piece of  ] [ music | Rape Soundtrack - Rape song ] Well, maybe my mood isn't that bad, but it just sounds so gruff.;P I felt like that earlier today though. Ugggh...anyways, in last few days lots of things have been bothering me. It feels like all my troubles piles up on the same point of time, and that truly sx0rs.>_* Lots of schoolwork, work, bills, worrying about other people, few personal things etc. Blah, since when I started stressing about schoolwork? *_* I dunno whether it is a good thing or not... None of these aren't something I can't handle, but pile upness makes it so difficult, as many of these things are I-almost-can't-handle-this things. It's all easing up day after day though, and thank God there shouldn't be new piles ahead of me. Not before New Year, at least. It really sucks to be at school/work when your head is full of worries and all that.>_* You just think about those things all the time and time runs so slowly, and all you wish is that time would run faster and you would get to continue worrying at least in somewhere else than in hurry. Usually you look forward during day, what cool things you're gonna do once you get off from school/work, but now all you expect is more worrying. It's tormentish torment and when time runs slowly and there's all kinds of hurry around you, I really feel like banging my head on the desk, hard. But I actually feel a bit cheery right now because I know it'll be Okay(/ish at least) soon. *_^ And that Cerrer's post at EoFF "Should be a book" thread made me crack.;P There was also no hockey practice today because it snowed awfully lot and our poor team plays outside, and it would've been pointless because Ice would've been full of snow in every 10 minutes or so. Sports are very good thing; When I have worries etc, sports takes my mind away from them, and it feels better afterwards too. ;D Random sms messages you receive are good also especially if they're funnyish and cheery. I received few today. Hmmm...*realises that he feels pretty good right now* *Ö_Ö* I'll be going to bed now, and chat some 10-15 mins with Miggay and Danners when I wake up before going to school. *cracks a whip at Alana and Daniel and hopes to see them at some point of tomorrow.* ~Mikael |
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11-15-2001, 11:47 PM
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 | *from Danni's LJ* 11-16-01| 2:00AM [ mood | sad ] [ music | Bon Jovi- Always ] yup, I leave the apartment and head home in about 11 hours.  I finished packing already, and all that's left to do now is burn my element CD, put all of my stuff in the car when Jon gets home from class, and go. In a way, I'm really excited to go home, but then.. I know that in a week I won't be with my baby anymore.  I won't get to see him again till christmas. *sighs* Such is life I guess.. I'd come back down with him after thanksgiving but.. nah. I can't handle living with Brian any longer. >_< he sux0rs major. Hmm.. so now I'm going to bore you and reflect on my time here. I KNOW no one wants to read it so don't feel like you have to.  I had fun for a lot of the time that I was here.. a lot more than I let on to at least. I know I bitched a lot about my roommates, and about the lack of access to the net and whatnot, but in all retrospect, it wasn't all so bad as just bothersome and annoying. Dave's a nice guy, Brian's and ass.. and what can I say? I love Jon.. so I put up with stuff I normally wouldn't. I'd do just about anything to spend time with him... even go to boring boring movies for his classes with him. ^_~ (and Jon.. crouching Tiger is a kickarse movie!!!) It was nice having someone to cuddle with all the time, to go to sleep next to, and wake up with (when I woke up before 3pm  . Halloween may have been a tad bit dull, but it was meaningful, and special in it's own way, and I couldn't have thought of a better way to spend it. In fact, I can't think of a better way i could have spent the last month and however many days. I'm almost sad that I'm leaving.. no wait, I am sad. but not because I'm going home, or leaving this insane amount of freedom I have (as far as living without people to govern my actions) but simply because of the fact I won't get to see the person I love for a while. No more waterfalls, walks around the pond to sit on the rocks and watch those silly ducks..esp the one that kept flipping over.. no more movies.. not for a while at least. All we have left really is christams break, then with our schedules in the spring, we won't get to see each other until spring break. So, I'd go through all of this again if I could, I'd even deal with brian for another month if I got the chance to be with Jon, but I can't. I need to be home for family and friend reasons, and I need to work and get money and the like for christmas. And so I close A small chapter in my life. A happy one for the most part, one that made me cry for sheer joy when I discovered it would come true, and one that makes me cry now, thinking that it's over. ~Danni --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Our paths they did cross, though I cannot say just why,We met, we laughed, we held on fast, and then we said good-bye,And who'll hear the echoes of stories never told? |
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11-16-2001, 06:30 PM
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| | Dear Journal Won't be needing you anymore. =p I have a new LJ now. www.livejournal.com/users/Umibutterfly That about sums it up. |
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11-17-2001, 05:12 AM
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