 |
|
| | >>> Click
here to download Final Fantasy Ringtones |
 |
#17  *O_O* This is from my LJ. Hehee [04 Nov 2001|03:51am] [ mood | Great ] [ music | Garbage - Androgyny ] Why the Hell you can't choose mood "great" from the mood list? *_* I had to manually insert it. Random quote that I can still hear in my mind is "You're mean to him, I bet.", by Alana about how am I treating Ghostraper. Somehow that's just stuck in my mind. Conscience, perhaps? Hah. First things first - Football was great.  Fulham FC is finally starting rocking, and they beat West Ham 0 - 2 at Upton park. I hope they could make it UEFA cup at least. That would be great. *_^ Steed Malbranque is awesome winger and he's Fulham's fans favourite nowadays. Always when he gets ball, it almost sounds like they are booing, but they actually yell "STEEEEEED..." with very low-voiced..voice? It sounds great. Yup, he scored he scored a goal and assisted another. He could've scored a hat-trick, though.*realises like any of you would be interested my football mumbling* Hmm...I got online kinda late today, around midnight if my memory serves. Right now I'm watching NHL game Colorado Avalanche @ Toronto Maple Leafs. I'm not paying much attention though, and I'm tired and off to bed soon. It was so awesome to chat with Laners after too long break. *ö_^* She was observed though, so we couldn't chat in peace and properly, and she had to leave so suddenly. *_* Regardless of that, and refering to that quote in my head, she already kinda messed up my mind and I feel sudden guilty. Thanks a lot, Cerrers. Ghostraper, I'm so, SO sorry.=( >=[ >=\ >=/ Yeppers, great to have you back. Oddly, For some strange reason I feel more inspired to update my LJ now too that yer back. Just finished downlaoding few songs, and I guess I'll be going to bed in a few mins. See ya. ~Mikael |
11-04-2001, 03:06 AM
| 
|
| |
| Former Staff Senior Site Staff  | Another day spent sitting at home doing nothing... oh crap, I just remembered I'm supposed to be working on my website for the ffinfinate competition... bugger Ah well, I'll start tomorrow... neway, I'm really starting to notice how miserable everyone else is... and in that case, is my situation really that bad? Gotta sort myself out and get on with it. I can't be the only one in this situation, and I bet they're doing something about it, so I will too... |
|
11-04-2001, 04:33 AM
|
|
 | November 3, 2001 Heh.. Scott thought I came home tomorrow.  Nah, not till the 18th..then I'll be back in Jersey. I know I was incredibly excited to come here, but my roommate has made me want to beat him within inches of his life so many times i'm just not really happy here. *shrugs* Ahh well.Today was alright I guess. I rolled out of bed around 2:25 this afternoon and came online.. i was so bloody bored! -_- I did get scolded for not going to sleep early like I said I would.. hehe.. that was interesting to say the least. I'm 18 and my friends scold me for staying up past 6am. sheesh Not only did I get scolded I literally had people begging me not to leave the net. I was shocked to say the least, and somewhat touched at the same time. So maybe it wouldn't make *everyone* happy, but it would do well for quite a few. I still don't know what i'm going to do just yet.. bah. I'm so indecisive sometimes.I thought today a bit.. I know dangerous stuff that. I thought about friendship.. the cause of almost all of my stress, yet for the most part, the reason I still exist. I was wondering.. I care about all of my friends.. but how can I call people who would turn their back on me without a second thought my friend? Oo;; damn.. it was a sucky thought. Randomly enough.. it got me to thinking about people I haven't talked to in ages.. I actually wondered today how voris is doing in college. Wtf is up with that? That kid hurt me more than I've been hurt in years and I actually still concern myself with his well being. He was a good friend, and a good boyfriend in the beginning.. is it the happy memories that tie me to people? :\ I went to the movies tonite too. I was the new Jet Li movie, "The One". w00t! I always wondered what could possibly be better than a fight scene with Jet Li.. and Tonite I found out what it was... a fight scene with 2 Jet Li's. |
|
11-04-2001, 05:38 AM
|
|
 | I don't have that long to write here, so yeah... Playing: Wonderwall – Oasis, Ballad for Dead Friends – Dashboard Prophets Gah….I hope I have time to write something significant. Usually with only half an hour I won’t, so I’ll try and get to the point as fast as I can, which probably isn’t that fast. I have music and I can’t help but spends at least half of my time focusing on that instead. And after aaaaalllllllll you’re my wonderwaaaaaallllll heheh [/fake British accent]…No. Anyway… I’m getting fairly sick of being like me. At least, I tire of it sometimes. Often, even. I’ll stare at the walls and wish I could be more normal. Well, I sometimes wish I could make friends. That would help. I always seem to will away 95% of people, probably more, and the remaining few become inexorably linked to me. But I can live with it, as long as they make me feel important. I often feel valueless, or pointless, or bored, and I’m not going to be afraid to admit it anymore. You other people will have to take my being honest for a while before I figure out a face for you that doesn’t involve lying every day. I’ve got a lot of that nervous energy right now. It’s not my phrase, but meh. It’s sorta fun, but in a way in a bit frustrating. It starts way inside your chest and spreads to everywhere else in your body. Not sure if this was what it was, but last night when I finally stood up I could barely walk. I managed to, though, unlike one fateful night that is quickly approaching being 6 months ago.. Actually, I don’t think much hit me that night itself. A few later nights, though. And for all I know, she could be more depraved than I am. I do know that I wouldn’t care, anyway. I’ve long since crossed that line. In the now distant past whenever I felt this much of that untouchable energy I’d be exceedingly happy. Giddy even. Then, after that, I’d get ridiculously horny. Now I don’t feel too many side effects, just the feeling itself. Longing, if anything. Like my sexual organs couldn’t really care less if I went and had sex right now, but my gut (saying heart would just be so cliched) has decided that now is the time. Not that it hasn’t before, I’m just examining right now, and it hasn’t for a while. I know I’m not totally pure, right now, I’ve still got lots to work out, but we’ve got started nicely, since a lot of that was quite important to me. I guess I’m not as tired of being myself as I thought. It’d be nice to be all giddy right now, or warm and glowy and all fuzzy, or all horny, but I don’t need to be right now. I have my little impure energy right now, and I’ll always delight in how it slowly drives me crazy. I’ve started covering again, so I should stop…I gotta go. Oh well. Maybe I can write more before I’m picked up. I do wish there is a CD for when I feel like this. I need something with lots of nice, but not overdone songs, with lots of acoustic guitars and violins and tearjerking. Like Wonderwall! Only every other Oasis song sucks. Meh….I guess I’ll find it someday. Maybe no one gives everything, but at least someone gives a damn. It’ll be enough, for now. I’m in a really weird stasis-like emotional state right now. Not happy or content, but not depressed or angry or unhappy either. Now I really have to go. I’m glad I get to spend part of my life like this. It’s where I need to be, though not necessarily where I belong. Ellovee-ee. Silverlocke |
|
11-04-2001, 08:49 PM
|
|
| | Once again, I'm the victim of bad timing. *sighs* Somehow my roommate always picks the most inoprtune times to decide he wants to toss me off the computer, but today's was the worste. One day while he's online or on the phone or something and I know it's maddeninglt important to him, I'll disconnect him somehow.. just so he'll know what it's like. I hate people who care solely for themselves. I pity his girlfriend.. she thinks they're soulmates.. he thinks she just a good lay. Wrong eh? I'm feeling odd right now. I'm worried, yet happy, yet sad and a bit angry all at once. I feel fairly out of plave right now. not just where I'm living, but online as well. I'm sure it'll just pass, but it's something that rarely happens to me. I never come online and neglect going on Aim like I am right now. That's not all because of this weird feeling though. Tjhat has to do with a fear of getting into another important conversation and being booted off in the middle of it again. -_- Why am I so unfailably bound to some people? It seems that no matter what happens, I can't get them out of my head. It matters not if they are net friends, or people I hang out with irl. And what is up with this love emotion? I think mine is malfunctioning or something. It seems that no matter how much i try, I can't help but fall in love. Not just romantic love, but love in general. I try so hard not to get attatched to people, I'm so afraid of being hurt again. I think sometimes having your heart broken by a friend hurts more than having it broekn by a lover. It does for me anyway. I'm sick of pretending to be as strong as I wish I was. I try so hard to be strong for everyone, because they need me, but I don't always feel as strong as I act. A lot of times I'm scared to death of what's going to happen, to them.. to me.. it matters not which. I don't want people to pity me or feel bad for me, or think I'm fishing for attention, so i hide everything that i feel inside. There are a few people I talk to plainly about my feelings, I know they won't judge me for hurting. I cry when no one is looking because i don't want sympathy, and I bleed when no one is around because I don't want them to pity me for my malfunctions. I wish that things would change, I wish I could cry on someone's shoulder and they just hold me and not question me and badger me about what's wrong. *sighs* Why am I telling you all this? -_- |
|
11-04-2001, 11:32 PM
|
|
 |  seven days till school is over forever! scariness. for the senior dinner thingee, everyone is voting me 'most likely to be abducted by aliens' hehehe...also had couple of votes for 'most likely to never grow up', and 'most likely to take over the world'... we'll see... |
|
11-06-2001, 03:15 AM
|
|
