[P] Petals

Rye
12-15-2003, 02:46 AM
Petals

Dancings petals in the air
pink and purple everywhere
the moment seems to freeze
except for the wind blowing through the trees

Spring time essence overcoming the meadow
and the wild flowers residing by the bees
and melody of nature's song
traveling with the breeze

Chaos and destruction
seem all so far away
as long as the flower petals in the air
remain here to stay

---------

Like it? :)

Denmark
12-15-2003, 03:49 AM
Yep. :)

G'job.

Stayin Dizzy
12-15-2003, 11:21 PM
Originally posted by RikkuYuna89
Petals

the moment seems to freeze
except for the wind blowing through the trees

as long as the flower petals in the air
remain here to stay

These two lines threw me a curve. I didn't like how the moment stood still, yet the wind was flowing.

Also I didn't make the connection with how the flower petals staying made chaos and destruction seem far away. Their presecence might have gave that feeling but being present and staying are a bit different. You've done better, but this wasn't too bad

6/10

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