[p] Lies

<u>lies</u>

tell me no secrets
feed me no lies
i wont be poisoned
or forced to despise
i'll sow up my mouth
my ears
and my eyes
before I will listen
to anymore lies

tell me no secrets
whisper no lies
your free to hate me
for I use my eyes
i wont
lie down helpless
i wont
let things go
I wont
give up trying
for the truths
that I know

#227 8/12/03

a quick poem about.. some trouble I'm having of late at a different forum, just think of it in some kinda socio-polictical sense or something... i suck at poems anyway -_-;;;

227

Your not a bad writer at all, it was actually quite good. The only thing I'll point out is your flow. Below is how I would have written it (IMO it reads better) but I'd give it a 8/10, well done.

note ...your free to hate me, for I use my eyes?

Originally posted by Gene Ohm
<u>lies</u>

tell me no secrets --a
feed me no lies --b
i will not be poisoned --c
or forced to despise --b
i'll sew up my mouth --d
and my ears,and my eyes --b
before I will listen --e
to anymore lies --b

tell me no secrets --a
whisper no lies --b
although free to hate me --c
I think it unwise --b
i wont lie down helpless --d
i wont let things die --b
I wont give up reaching --e
for the truths in the skies --b


I marked the rhyming scheme as well, your words were good, but I changed them to fit a scheme