The weight of the Sword [s]

-Last entries in Joel Hilands journal-

May 12, 3677

.. I beleive that Niaps and I have settled our past and agreed not to fight anymore.

A few years ago I learned of my fate to be the last Semloh being alive in the universe, Desteny told me that at one point that I would one day lose my life to keep this plant safe from all that can harm it. Niaps and I have finally killed Marquett so all threats to Neo Earth should have been dissolved by now, but Desteny tells me that while I am trying to protect thwe planet I might also damage it, what does she mean by that? I would never harm this world or the people that live on it, I'd die just to keep this world safe.

May 14, 3677

I have become more agitated at the thoguht of me being threat to the world, I found Desteny again and asked for advice. I asked her if this whole damn war would end, she told me that it would but I would be it's last casualty but a noble sacrifice.

May 15, 3677

I decided to leave the colony I was hiding in and return to earth, but I was injred so badly that I could not use my Kai to get back, so I found this old rusty escape pod I found. I fixed it up and I will return to earth as soon as I can.

June 12, 3677

I woke up from a month long coma after sustaining massive concusions from the escape pod crash, I woke up in the Degon city repuoration centre after I had the dream. A winged being that looked like Desteny told me that I can prevent the tragity that she told me about in the colony, it would require that I take my massive strenght and create massive influence amongst the world and then detain all things on Neo earth, so northing can enter nor leave the planet.

As I awoke my old kind gentile self that I once was is now replaced by brutality. I killed the doctors who restored my body and then destroyed the hospital. Nobody was left alive.

June 15, 3677

I attempted to overtake the Blue Comet academies by killing of the higher officers and holding the Neo Earth president hostage, it appears that I have won this battle and I now controll the military, the colonies, and the whole Neo Earth Nation. The Qui have severed there trade with earth, no matter, I will overtake that world soon enough. I searched through the archives of BC officers; Nate Chad, Jerai, my wife Kailey, and my son Leon have not been around, and I still can't find Niaps anywhere.

July 4, 3679

With the grip of my hand on the whole planet in my possesion I managed to hunt down Desteny and detained her, I would kill her but if anything happened to her then the whole universal balance would crumble up and die. I recently learned that Nate and the others have formed a coalition against me and my armies, let them do as they please, I will kill my best friends soon enough.

As Desteny wasin her detention cell she wrote a message on a piece of paper and had her guard send it to me, it read "Your last fight will arrive soon, when my darker counterpart, Tamajill arrives, then freedom will raign again nd your grip will lossen, but you will be lost."

My intruder alrms have sounded, it sounds like Niaps has arrived, it's finnally time to settle the score.

. . . . . . . . end of journal. . . . .

That's really awesome Joel!!! 10/10!!!

Have you ever thought of doing a book? You seem to have a skill for writing (minus spelling LoL) and With a bit of dialog, that could be an amazing tale!

It's part of the begining prolouge of 'Desteny's Heroes XII:The Warriors last call.' It apprears that Earth Hero, Joel Hiland has become it's biggest threat.

I've been thinking of being a writer actually, I'm already in the work of 'Desteny's Heroes I; Humanity's only hope."

So you're writing book 12 before 1??

Or is this preestablished work that you are putting text to??

The second one, I kinda think the plot along in my head before I finalize it all on print.

So you have a plan for 12 books already thought out...you could be rich if you write all the books as well as this piece here

pretty much basically.

Look I know a mod is gonna come yell at us so I suggest if anyone has any more questions on this just PM me.

If i may.

Though i know you're using the stylized respelling "Desteny" as a name rather than a reference to the abstract concept of 'destiny,' it'd probably be best to avoid using that word entirely. "Desteny" is all but one letter different, and people are going to read it as a typo. And even when people discover that it is in fact a name, the one-letter difference still has that inherently 'typo' feel; there's no way to get around the fact that it just looks wrong. i'd recommend changing the name.

Also, i'd recommend working a bit on your sentence construction, both physically and creatively. There are some spots, for example, where sentences chained by commas really need to be divided by periods; in other places, the sentences run too quickly without much purpose.

On a more artistic note, i think you'd do well to expand these passages. It feels more like a quick montage than written word. This isn't inherently bad, but it doesn't flow well for what's supposed to be a journal. Why does Hiland suddenly go into a rage? Wouldn't he write about that? Perhaps it's not in his character, but then this all could still use some fleshing out. What's going through his head while he's suddenly taking over the planet? Go into detail about the people involved, about the things that happen. Tell the story to death.

Anyone can cut a log into a cool shape. The joy of writing is to take that shape and detail it into a perfectly accurate scaled model of the Sistine Chapel.

Ok I can attempt to answer these questions:

Though i know you're using the stylized respelling "Desteny" as a name rather than a reference to the abstract concept of 'destiny,' it'd probably be best to avoid using that word entirely. "Desteny" is all but one letter different, and people are going to read it as a typo. And even when people discover that it is in fact a name, the one-letter difference still has that inherently 'typo' feel; there's no way to get around the fact that it just looks wrong. i'd recommend changing the name.

Desteny is a character in the storyline. She is an angelic frail being who is the physical embodyment of all things that keep the Universe in exsitance, if she dies the universe dies, Joel Hiland is a member of an ancient race of beings called 'Semloh' which is kinda like a human only stronger and lives longer. The Semloh are all but extinct, Hiland is the last one left. There one goal is to find Desteny and protect her from the prophicided "End of Life" apoclolyps.

This isn't inherently bad, but it doesn't flow well for what's supposed to be a journal. Why does Hiland suddenly go into a rage? Wouldn't he write about that? Perhaps it's not in his character, but then this all could still use some fleshing out.


Its sort of a computerised journal that he carries around with him. He has that dream that shows how he can prevent the death of Desteny by using his massive strenghth to overthrow the earth government and be able to find Desteny as well as Niaps. His mind tricks him into thinking that in a way he is doing the right thing but yet he has no clue that he is becoming what he had worked so hard to defeat. At heart he is a kind hearted man who would sacrifice his own life to save another he just met 12 seconds ago. But in the whole saga he learns that he is posseded by an evil entity that periodically controll him and cause him have an erge to kill anything that isn't him, men women, children, even babies but in DH9: The awakening he manages to drive the morbid Spirit out of his body and destroy it. But the reason why Joel went mad now is because of the dream that he had, and it's sorta prophisised.

Yes, like i said, i know it's a name. But there's no way to change the fact that it looks, inherently, like a typo. People will see it foremost, despite their knowledge that it isn't, as a misspelling. It will come only secondarily as a name, because 'destiny' is only a letter off but far more common. It simply has an inherent feel of 'wrongness' to it.

Also, my point with those questions is that the things you told me just now ought to be in the writings themselves. To flesh out the storyline, y'know? The work has to function on its own two feet, without outside assistance.

It started out as a typo but it kinda grew out.