Fuzakeru
11-06-2003, 06:10 AM
*Laughs* This is really gonna be weird. I'm going to try to write something in that old english style. *Throws hands up* This could be really bad . . . so you've been warned. ^_^;;
A Forbidden Love
Sheath thy steel tongue,
And hush thy venomous lips,
For thou art foolishly perceiving mistaken
assumptions of the heart
Oh! Forsaken love! Thou art forbidden fruit,
Drenched in the sweet nectar of eternal sin,
And doth constantly nip at thy lips teasingly.
Wayward stares, cradled betwixt the embrace
of a misguided passion,
Gaze lazily onward, paying no heed to the
silent screams of uncertainty,
And ignores it’s treacherous scowl.
Hmm. End. ^_^!
Divina
11-06-2003, 06:22 AM
Ooh! I like it! =D
I've always liked the Old English (or whatever it's called) style of poetry. So...romantic in a way. ^^
Hanoi
11-06-2003, 01:15 PM
Steph... I think it's amazing!!! Quite dark as well. A lot of poetry from that time was really gothic too... which I kinda like. If you need some inspiration... (or simply need to steal ideas like I do) you might like some Blake poetry. Your poem reminded me of The Sick Rose (http://www.everypoet.com/archive/poetry/william_blake/william_blake_songs_of_experience_the_si ck_rose.htm). It's got the same darkness too it.
Fuzakeru
11-06-2003, 01:30 PM
*Smiles happily*
Divina - Thank you! Old english could always make me swoon, heh. ^_^!
Hanoi - Amazing? *Blushes* That's really sweet of you. Thanks. Oh. And Blake? I love Blake poetry. ^_^ And I'm glad that the cynical romanticism was apparent. (( and thanks for the link! ))
Thank you both very much for taking time out to read and tell me what you thought. I appreciate it greatly.
Hanoi
11-06-2003, 04:34 PM
Sorry... "amazing" is such a bad comment to make since it's so vague. BUT... if you wanted something... erm... a little more... indepth (???) then here you go:
:save: Good use of alliteration.
:save: Evocative language.
:save: the cynical romanticism is VERY clear (!!!) ;)
:save: and I really liked it.
Fuzakeru
11-06-2003, 10:01 PM
*Smirks* No actually I thought amazing was a rather nice way of putting it but thank you for pointing out the things you liked. 1_^
Sorry, I was just sorta shocked that y'all liked it since it was my first experience in this style and whatnot. I'll guess I'll continue with it for a while. ^_^
Dignified Pauper
11-08-2003, 05:15 AM
I can't say i'm a fan of old-english (thank canterbury tales) but you use it well. The theme behind it is very clear and precisely focused upon.
Good job.
