[s] My auto Biography for writing class [Archive]

Leeza

10-20-2003, 11:10 PM

I don't know when you needed this for and this is now probably too late. It's not bad, except for a few typos and misplaced commas, etc. I'm not the teacher tough so he/she might have different ways of looking at things.

1. The title should have each word capitalized.

2. I am a lot of things in one; I'm a rocker, a writer, a geek, and a philosopher.

I'd have it as: I am a lot of things in one; a rocker, a writer, a geek and a philosopher.

3. Over my past 18 years of my life many things that I have seen, heard, and done make me what I am today so I can make this fairly easy on me, the writer, and you, the listener by only going over the few major things.

I'd have it as: Over the past 18 years of my life, many things that I have seen, heard and done make me what I am today. So I can make this fairly easy on me, the writer, and you, the listener, by only going over the few major things.

4. When I was a little boy I was fascinated with technology, I was practically in love with all things that run on electricity, I used to stare blindly at telephones, TVs, video games consoles, and computers just to figure out how they worked.

I'd have it as: When I was a little boy I was fascinated with technology. I was practically in love with all things that run on electricity and I used to stare blindly at telephones, TVs, video game consoles and computers, just to figure out how they worked. 

5. on subjects that involve computers, I eventually learned how to put together my own I think you need a period there instead of a comma.

6. and expanded my horizons and made my own FTP client, forum website, and game server for I think that should be to make my own instead of and made my own.

7. As I was growing up I listened to a lot of music; I was practically raised on rock and roll. I spent most

I would have: As I was growing up, I listened to a lot of music. I was practically raised on rock and roll and I spent most

8. unappealing, I continue I would use a period there instead of a comma.

9. friend’s band once but I can’t anymore. I would put a comma in front of but.

10. one might has a typo.

11. Out of all of the movies, books and video games, that I have drawn my attention towards I was grown attached to the story lines of the plot that is involved. All of the plots that I have seen from the emotional plot of Final Fantasy 8 to the well thought out characters in the Hobbit have inspired me to become a writer of science fiction novels of my own.

I would have: Out of all of the movies, books and video games that I have drawn my attention towards, I have grown attached to the story lines of the plot that is involved. All of the plots that I have seen, from the emotional plot of Final Fantasy 8, to the well though out characters in the Hobbit, have inspired me to become a writer of science fiction novels of my own.

12. So far I am working on my first novel called ‘Desteny’s Heroes’ a story of a man who’s prophesized fate is to protect the universe while still be able to keep his sanity with the amount of weight he has on his shoulders.

would have: So far, I am working on my first novel called 'Desteny's Heroes', a story of a man whose prophesied fate is to protect the universe while still being able to keep his sanity with the amount of weight he has on his shoulders. Also, unless "Desteny" is someone's name, I would spell it "Destiny".

13. that make up who I am one might I'd put a comma after am.

14. All that is said and done one might say that I am just very unique, and I would just say that it can be left at that.

I would have: All that being said and done, one might say that I am just very unique. I would just say that it can be left at that.



	Eyes on Final Fantasy Forums > General > Writer's Corner > [s] My auto Biography for writing class PDA [s] My auto Biography for writing class Erdrick Holmes 10-12-2003, 07:41 PM I am doing a paper for my writing class that is supposed to match the topic of 'What makes me what I am today' and Im doing the second draft as it is. Ij ust need people to tell me what you think of it, ya know peer edit for me so I can get a final draft working. Leeza 10-20-2003, 11:10 PM I don't know when you needed this for and this is now probably too late. It's not bad, except for a few typos and misplaced commas, etc. I'm not the teacher tough so he/she might have different ways of looking at things. 1. The title should have each word capitalized. 2. <i>I am a lot of things in one; I'm a rocker, a writer, a geek, and a philosopher.</i> I'd have it as: <i>I am a lot of things in one; a rocker, a writer, a geek and a philosopher.</i> 3. <i>Over my past 18 years of my life many things that I have seen, heard, and done make me what I am today so I can make this fairly easy on me, the writer, and you, the listener by only going over the few major things.</i> I'd have it as: <i>Over the past 18 years of my life, many things that I have seen, heard and done make me what I am today. So I can make this fairly easy on me, the writer, and you, the listener, by only going over the few major things.</i> 4. <i>When I was a little boy I was fascinated with technology, I was practically in love with all things that run on electricity, I used to stare blindly at telephones, TVs, video games consoles, and computers just to figure out how they worked.</i> I'd have it as: <i>When I was a little boy I was fascinated with technology. I was practically in love with all things that run on electricity and I used to stare blindly at telephones, TVs, video game consoles and computers, just to figure out how they worked. </i> 5. <i>on subjects that involve computers, I eventually learned how to put together my own</i> I think you need a period there instead of a comma. 6. <i>and expanded my horizons and made my own FTP client, forum website, and game server for</i> I think that should be <i>to make my own</i> instead of <i>and made my own</i>. 7. <i>As I was growing up I listened to a lot of music; I was practically raised on rock and roll. I spent most</i> I would have: <i>As I was growing up, I listened to a lot of music. I was practically raised on rock and roll and I spent most</i> 8. <i>unappealing, I continue</i> I would use a period there instead of a comma. 9. <i>friend’s band once but I can’t anymore.</i> I would put a comma in front of <i>but</i>. 10. <i>one might</i> has a typo. 11. <i>Out of all of the movies, books and video games, that I have drawn my attention towards I was grown attached to the story lines of the plot that is involved. All of the plots that I have seen from the emotional plot of Final Fantasy 8 to the well thought out characters in the Hobbit have inspired me to become a writer of science fiction novels of my own.</i> I would have: <i>Out of all of the movies, books and video games that I have drawn my attention towards, I have grown attached to the story lines of the plot that is involved. All of the plots that I have seen, from the emotional plot of Final Fantasy 8, to the well though out characters in the Hobbit, have inspired me to become a writer of science fiction novels of my own.</i> 12. <i>So far I am working on my first novel called ‘Desteny’s Heroes’ a story of a man who’s prophesized fate is to protect the universe while still be able to keep his sanity with the amount of weight he has on his shoulders.</i> would have: <i>So far, I am working on my first novel called 'Desteny's Heroes', a story of a man whose prophesied fate is to protect the universe while still being able to keep his sanity with the amount of weight he has on his shoulders. Also, unless "Desteny" is someone's name, I would spell it "Destiny". 13. <i>that make up who I am one might</i> I'd put a comma after <i>am</i>. 14. <i>All that is said and done one might say that I am just very unique, and I would just say that it can be left at that.</i> I would have: <i>All that being said and done, one might say that I am just very unique. I would just say that it can be left at that.</i> Erdrick Holmes 10-21-2003, 12:14 AM Ok thanks, oh and it spelled 'Desteny' peropusly because in the story 'Desteny' is the omnipotent lifeforce that keeps all things in the universe alive.
This Final Fantasy website is copyright 2000 - 2007 Eyes on Final Fantasy.