Your imagery is quite astounding. Not to mention that your vernacular is impressive too, and while, normally, I'd call you out on some of the word choices to be a flaunt and brevity, here, it just all works. The only one I question is myxomatosis.
As far as Nik's comment about Dirge. I can see both points. The dirge of heavy breathing definitely sounds like passionate slow sex than that fervor one has when in love.
I definitely agree with Nik about the branches.
You do have a lot of semi-colons, which, I don't mind, but they seem to be a little too prevalent. As Kurt Vonnegut said at a lecture I witnessed - "Semi-colons are the transgendered bastards of punctuations."
Overall, this poem is quite marvelous. |