young lovers whisper in the middle of
the oldtime night, rolling with the shape
of each other – a humming; a dirge of
heavy breathing:
The only problem I have is that I generally do not associate young lovers with a dirge. The word dirge does seem to fit with the rest of the poem, though, and since I have no idea wtf this is about I'll leave it to your discretion.
branches ache; autumnal,
geriatric and naked,
leaning their narrow, byzantine bones
toward night sky.
This is one of the best lines I've ever read in poetry.
Edit: Maybe ditch narrow?