Originally Posted by
Momiji ^ As for how it sounds, it sounds pretty good. However, as for the visual aesthetics-- might I suggest some more structure? What I mean is...your lines are very long, and then it seems to fall in on itself. Perhaps breaking your lines into a syllabic pattern will improve that.
I actually realized after I posted it that it would seem that way to a lot of people. It kind of plays into the whole grey area of what's spoken word, what's poetry, and what's rap. That said, it was written to be read aloud. It doesn't really hold up in written form because the entire flow of the piece is in the way I read it.